“I’m So Useless I Can’t Even Die!”

When I was little a family member started sexually abusing me. I remember my parents would leave to work and they would leave me with him. But, I didn’t understand what was going on. I was too little to know exactly what was happening. When I turned 11 that’s when I realized that I was being abused. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to talk to.

So I started developing sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts. I tried to end my life a couple of times. Inside of me I was scared to walk over bridges because I would always have the thought of jumping off them. I drank lots of pills but nothing happened. In my mind I thought to myself, ‘I’m so useless, I can’t even die!’

I was scared to look for help. I was shy, quiet and I wouldn’t open up to anyone. Even if I tried, they would always give statements like, ‘There are people who are just born for that’. I was waiting for the suffering to stop but it didn’t. So I became a very angry girl.

There was an event at the Universal Church and my mother told her friend to take me. The first time I went, I felt peace. I felt like I was home. I started seeking my deliverance. It was hard to forgive the person who abused me so I fought hard for me to be free from that.

I sought God to fill the void inside of me. I didn’t want to be bitter anymore and wanted to have a future.

When I received the Holy Spirit, I had immediate peace. It was all I wanted. God healed my heart and gave me hope. He has changed my character and He made me understand that I’m precious to Him. I don’t have depression and suicidal thoughts anymore. Today, I’m free and I’m happy. – Marcia